One problem I find in myself, that I wonder if others experience as well, is that even if I am struck with so much enthusiasm and optimism, there will always be that little fly of fear that keeps buzzing in your ear, constantly reminding you of the reality out there. The truth hurts, as they say, and that’s a part of life. This is all normal and a way our days go on, but sometimes you just can’t help but be pushed into the ground by that annoying buzz of fear and doubt.
Why am I deciding to go on about this just when NaNoWriMo is at its final stretch?
Well, from my previous post, I have decided not to pursue the deadline, but I have not killed the idea and the partial manuscript-slash-draft. This final stretch of manic writers trying to reach their goals of 50,000 or more words got me thinking, more like reminiscing, about my beginnings when I started taking writing as a serious hobby.
At first, being filled with so many random and seemingly great ideas, I was ready to write whatever came into mind. As soon as I’d finish something I saw was good, I’d show it to my friends to read. (Note: My dedication to this hobby started in college, so it was a bit awkward, but I didn’t care.) There were mixed reactions to it, like I could get even better or it’s good, but something is still missing or whatever. I was unfazed by that and I knew (I still do) that I could become better. When it came to the point that I was nearing more than 10,000 words on my manuscript (the only currently finished manuscript I have), I decided that even though I attain my goals in the Nursing field, I still want to see my name on print as a full-fledged author (and maybe a bestseller… what wishful thinking…).
Now, where am I?
I am here three years later with only one completed manuscript, a couple beginning paragraphs, and now half a manuscript all thanks to NaNoWriMo.
How does fear tie into all of this?
I’m afraid to start anew or continue what I started. The buzzing got too loud for me and I am in an official rut. I’m doing all I can to get out of it, but I think I need to take it slow and not push myself too much. There are tons of ideas floating in my mind that could possibly make a great book in the future, but the buzz comes again questioning if it could survive and if it did, would people like it.
I am sure I am not alone in this kind of situation and I know even the greatest of writers face this giant wall.
Wish me luck as I try to knock the darn wall over.
Inspire others as you wish to be inspired.
P.S. This is my 100th post since I started this blog. Some topic, right? Well, I think the weakness in many people nowadays is the refusal to accept what they really feel so they won’t appear inferior. I’m speaking as a Psychiatric Nursing Major when I say that we need to accept what we perceive and feel in order to be able to do what we are meant to do and help others. If we are stuck in our own minds, battling the the truth we don’t wish to accept, then we stop living life as freely as we were all meant to be.